BA3BARA

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Ba3bara 3n Ba3bara...

In most of my writings I start typing without knowing how the story will end we kter awy I write only coz I am afraid that one day ill lose my talent or ill forget the passion I have 4 writing similar to what happened in many other things in my life
May b also I am clinging to the only thing that I am doing only 4 myself and the only thing that is left 2 me
For sure I am doing many other things but writing have always been so different none of those things gave me the same feelings I have when I start typing
I do have a job but it never gives me this feeling and it will never do I tried to love what I am doing but I failed I couldn't
I took salsa lessons well its fun I have to enjoy the music first then I should let my body deal with the music... nice and fun but I didn't feel it
I love reading but I am reading only to be better I am reading to learn
I am feeling this way when I am reading a book however I enjoy reading but 4 me at the end it is something helping me writing in a better way
I also do love music we every single kind of it and I do have a taste in the music I listen to
I watch movies and I love the way these people are creating and documenting

In all the previous things there were Those creators who wrote books created music made films and I am just a recipient enjoying what these people r doing it is so different when I am writing I feel then write then I read back
So I am the sender and the recipient we sa3at another recipient involves fa I become a sender to many others thus I become productive and who knows may be inspiring
Nothing can be compared to what I may feel when someone likes what I am doing we 7ata da I am not dreaming of
I am documenting 4 myself all what I am going through now and aked one day ill look back to all these topics and who knows where ill be or what ill be doing
So as I long as I am living as long as I am feeling as long as I am thinking ill always be just here writing...

Posted by whizkid * 1* at 2:51 PM | Permalink | Comments

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

wasaaa3

Since I decided to quit taking taxis or using all cairo's means of transportations and to buy a small car 4 myself we I became mn as7ab elmalaky 3la ra2y so7aby

I realised that i will never be able to escape the same drivers ely kont barkab m3ahom everyday n that I will have to face them n many others n even in more agressive way

1- awalan taxi drivers he has the priority to pass u howa keda ferda and i cant complain or my car will have 7'abta latefa ka no3 mn elzekra

2 - microbus driver also has his own rights to stop wherever and whenever he wants we bardo i cant do anything or i will have the same destiny of the situtation 1

3- negy b2a le ada2 crossing the roads 3ndena if you are the one who will cross the road you have 2 take a deep breath then count from 1 to 3 ready steady and go bezabt zay seba2 nat el7awagez and if you r the car driver then u have 2 stay tuned on n alert all the time 3shan elnas betetla3 mn 7etat 3'areba fe elshare3 zay ma ykono nazeln mn elsama malayka ya raby

4 - bike drivers they are very noisy n the same scene happens 4 me daily a huge sound coming from behind and after checking through all my possible mirrors i find nothing minute later a speedy motorbike just appears from behind me ( ely howa sotha y7'od we howa aslan mesh wa7'ed 7ayez fe elshare3)

5- and now the superstar the toktok 4 those who dont know its shape it is just a motorbike we rakebolo body keda 2 carry three people inside bs tab3an le elsha3b elmasry zorof mo7'talefa awalan it is so small in size and loaded with people we mashy yatrana7 keda fre elshare3 we fag2a yet2leb and the people inside yet2lebo m3ah y2omo ynafado hodmhom we ride again as if nothing has happened 3atshy gedan n the toktok drivers r all the same yedy right sign we yod7'ol shemal y2of suddenly we ylef we yegy fe weshak we hena tegy elmwagha ( the toktok mawgod in few districts menhom le elasaf elharam where unfortunatly im living in)

6-buses and especially those used by the government they r always crowded from inside wla yom el7ashr...and the bus is always unbalanced keda mn kotr the load inside walahy i do feel kter that these buses might fall on their sides so in most cases ba7awel atagnabhom (3ndy phobia elbuses ba7;af yo2a3 3lya)

we 3'ero young men or teenagers with their noisy n speedy cars or those celebrating their weddings in the middle of main streets its their right 2 celebrate but it is also our right 2 drive home safely without being stuck fe west elzafa

driving attitudes in our streets is only reflecting how we became only thinking of ourselves kolo 3ayez y3ady kolo 3ayez yegry kolo bey7'taf 7aga we mesh fare2 m3ah el7aga de belongs 2 meen aslan 3la ferka it belongs 2 all of us

Posted by whizkid * 1* at 3:18 PM | Permalink | Comments

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I Will Survive

i was checking my blog when suddenyl i realised that all the topics r mainly concentrated on the hard time im going through in my life i thought it is normal

then whenver i check the blog again i feel the same eh da heya eldneya soda fe weshy keda leh

it is not that bad maybe coz the one only writes when he feels the need to talk and complain aw zay ma bey2olo elebeda3 beyegy in hard times

at this point i came to the conclusion that it is me who is looking to all the dark sides of my life i always had the clue and the answer 4 myself when i come to this point

think positivly look around u 4 all the good things u have in ur life

so I didnt find love or I lost love I have others who loves me and were there 4 me when I wanted to talk or scream from pain and they were the best 2 lean on in my hardest time

I am not doing well in my job it happened en I have asasan a job others r dreaming for just a chance

I had a fight with my mum or one of my family members thank god they are there 4 me with all their worries, love, care, friendship and even jealousity

i had a car accident well thank god i have asasan a car

i lost a friend well aked i gained many others im just not giving myself a chance to discover others and explore them from inside may be i find the friend i need and he also need in return ( i beleive that there is always this one that need you even more than you need him it is just matter of timing)

so the clue is to say thank god and 2 have this faith that he is there listening knowing that u r a good person from and whatever you do he will forgive u without any doubt
so whenver i see eldenya sooda what i have to do is to remember how i am so lucky in my life and i should not stop thanking god for all what i have in my life even the worse which for others can b considered the best thing they can ever get
when i once was in that bad mood wandering why all bad things r chasing me and all in one time a my friend only texted me a msg on my mobile with a saying that i wont ever forget

"God answers our prayers in three ways he says yes and gives you what you want he says no and gives you sthg better or says not yet and give you what you want at the right time"

so ill always pray for what i want and im sure God will answer my prayers in a way or another and ill always be quite sure that im fine and more that fine thank god for everything

Posted by whizkid * 1* at 3:16 PM | Permalink | Comments

Saturday, December 8, 2007

wandering who am i??

what is my personality?( ana men?)

During my recent job training period one of the lectures was discussing the types of personalities and how we can differentiate between them the man giving the lecture pointed that there are four main types of personalities
1- picky (the analytical the one looking for neat and order, the one who loves to arrange everything around him)
2- angry
3- flashy the one who loves to gain attention wherever he goes
and finally 4- the sociable
the man continued to explain the differences and stressed the fact all of us are a mix of these four types the percentage of this mix is what differs then he gave an example of himself that he is sociable, then picky then the other two came in near levels
all this was fine and i was enjoying myself to the extreme then everything changed when the man looked at me and said now you can not judge other personalities unless u realised what u r and what is your own mix
then he started asking everyone and they all told him how they thought of themselves then when it was my turn i kept staring at him and didnt know what i was supposed to say
"ma3rafsh really i dont know??" i kept repeating this sentence for a while the only answer i said was, " maybe angry comes at the last level," he said ok i agree with you
but then i realised that even this point i was not sure of it??
how i can not tell till now what my personality is hatganen
i started surfing through the Internet searching for those kind of personality tests hoping that i can find an answer i made a few of them ( we 3'aleban kol test result yeb2a 3aks ely 2ablo)
then i returned to the same point how it took me this effort and time just to understand myself i think im a simple person maybe i somehow knew my mix but i didnt want to admit or i didnt want to say something about myself infront of this large number of people who surely have their own points of view about me
to tell the truth this was the point, makontesh 3ayza a2ol ana kaza we ala2y 7ad y2oly la2 i didnt want to go in this kind of conversation 3shan i was afraid that this perfection image i drew for myself to myself could be changed and it will take me along time 3shan ad7'ol fe elgadal da m3a nafsy n all this came in a time i was trying hardly to push myself and to build this inner self strength and confidence when starting a new job with new people ely howa makansh wa2to 7'ales
another b2a confessions today, in the internet test i used to cheat sometimes bardo 3shan kont 7'ayfa mn elresults to be less than my expectations we bardo i was doing this normally without feeling that i was doing something wrong ( do i seem to b a weired n weak person or what??)
no im not i was just confessing aho ya3ny ana 7elwa we sahtra and i wont cheat again 3shan el3'esh 7aram

Posted by whizkid * 1* at 5:49 AM | Permalink | Comments

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Slide your life

Imagine ur life a movie and that now u'll choose the master scenes of ur life; Moments of intense feelings like that of happiness,achievment,love or moments of misfortune,fear and emptiness.

create your slide show wz a sound track of ur choice and tell me how would it look like?

let me show u mine;

***start***

slide.1. A young girl looking from her window and every thing seems green,no buildings just her and the space.Sun is shining on her face.

slide.2. The young girl standing in class with a silly smile on her face,her collegues clapping their hands for her correct answer,she feels real genius.

slide.3. girl now bigger getting out from a school gate and can't belive she ended the school years for ever and no return.

slide.4. girl sitting among two of her best friends while their families traveling away..smoking and laughing their heart out.

slide.5. that gurl walking on a bridge on a hot day and after another misachievement, swearing that she wont ever forget that day and promising herself of a brighter future.

slide.6. she cant take it anymore,she's tired of crying,she's frustrated,she takes her pic hanged on the wall and smach it on floor and fall crying over wat she've done.

slide.7. The gurl says to that boy after a long walk-to and fro- in her room that she loves him. the boy cheers as well as thousands of audience on tv as the team scores a goal..he answers bk"i adore you".

slide.8. she writes to the boy,"sry we cant make it" coz writing is safer than confrontation then cry herself till sleep.

slide.9. She goes to her new work looking her best.she comes back,sleeps and wakes up and goes to work again and comes back,lots of coffee,,sleepless night..emptiness and hallowenss.

slide.10 She finishes work late and cant wait for the lift,taking the stairs, too dark she couldnt c the exit door,it's getting darker and she no longer sees wat's beneath,her steps are now faster as her heart beats echoing in- all of a sudden-narrow tunnels.she pushes the last door in horror and she's out to the life street at last.

slide.11. At home,she opens the same window and remembers how things seemed to be. When dreams and expectation filled her young heart,promising her with a better future when she becomes bigger.
And now big enough ,all wat she can see is walls higher than before blocking her way,a sky that is nearer than before ,a world that is so much smaller and tighter now .And no more sun shining on her face.

she closes the window.

***end of the slide***

Posted by whizkid * 1* at 6:47 AM | Permalink | Comments

Thursday, November 8, 2007

I miss u awyyyy

Have u ever had this feeling that u r missing something deeply n u cant even recognize what this thing could b
could it b that old habit or hobby i used 2 enjoy n i later quitted practicing suddenly and without a reasonable reason
may be it is this old friend I used to share all my moments and life made us away apart from each other and despite the fact many are there surrounding u this one had left a big space in your life
it could be also the way i used to live my daily life not thinking of what might come tomorrow or next year or even next minute
or could it b that one i used to love and shared my intimate moments and the habits related to his presence
waiting for his arrival and checking the door every second or sitting beside the mobile waiting for just a missed or even a touch that can change the day upside down and u take its passion with u to bed that day and u r every day living on its remembrance
or may b im just missing the feeling to be in love and to be loved in return with all its pain and happiness
or may be its emptiness that made me only living on missing old days and not trying to go on any further in present life and realizing the fact that the thing im missing ill keep missing for a damn long time as time never goes back
its only this feeling that i want to scream loudly miss u i miss u so much whoever or whatever u r i miss u :)

Posted by whizkid * 1* at 5:24 AM | Permalink | Comments

BA3BARA

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